So... earlier this week my roomate and I made a "Get A Life" list. So far I have been active upon it, but I am getting more distraught over my current unemployment. I wont... cant... fear to lose hope that my life will go somewhere. I know that it is just the current time of my life that I am going through, but it sucks. I am not quite good enough in my talents to really make it anywhere(though my painting is improving). Almost none of my dreams seem to have potential of coming true, and I just feel.... stranded. .... Though, I know once I get my first car ever (figure that one out) in three weeks and get a job somewhere in that time, things will start looking up. I want to get my excitement for life back, but I have to work to keep my optimism up.... I probably need to work on that issue... I hope it's not turning into a lack of faith.. oh Lord help me. I dont think it is, but my negative mood needs to stop it. *angry face at self*
Do dreams really ever come true? .. Yes and no. I think that they can and they can't but whether or not they do God is in control and has better things for us than what we could imagine.
Gads... I need someone to encourage me.... *cough* I hate feeling like I have to be happy and hopeful and optimistic all the time.
Random act of the day: watched the sunset by myself on the shore of a lake drinking Arizona Sweet Tea
Current Contemplation: The effort of being sweet
Till another (more joyful) Day!
Friday, May 21, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Potential
I am a week into my summer and I have to say I am disappointed with myself.
I have lived in Omaha two years and I will be staying in town for the summer but I feel my motivation going to pot. I really need to get out and do something. This summer is wide open with potential! There is no motivation in my friend group. Apathy is slowly contagious.
Cure the disease!!!
Random Act of the Day: Played the new COD:MW2 maps
Current Contemplation: The little things that matter
Till another day!
I have lived in Omaha two years and I will be staying in town for the summer but I feel my motivation going to pot. I really need to get out and do something. This summer is wide open with potential! There is no motivation in my friend group. Apathy is slowly contagious.
Cure the disease!!!
Random Act of the Day: Played the new COD:MW2 maps
Current Contemplation: The little things that matter
Till another day!
Saturday, May 08, 2010
The Catalyst
Often people are encouraged to look back on their life, to reflect on the decisions they have made.
Well, today was one of those days for me. It is the one year mark of my relationship with my first boyfriend... one of the best years of my life. After spending my afternoon with him I started thinking back on my life. I never dated before college and it is amazing the change in my life that has happened due to being in a relationship. Thinking back farther I was thinking of the pivotal decisions I have made in my life... besides deciding to follow God's call and come to NCC, and when I accepted Christ, I could think of only one great decision....
When I decided to leave my home, living with my father, and move with my mom to another state. If I had stayed with my Dad, yes, I would have finished HS with 12 varsity letters, been in the countys most prestigious choir, and gone to state for running.. but if i had stayed I probably would have turned into more of a rebel, I probably would have dated a friend or two before graduation, and there is a 50% chance in my mind of me messing up with one of them out of rebellion against my father, and would have struggled greatly in my walk with God.... Another scenario of this is I would have probably lived with my Dad for a semester or two my junior year, then would have gone to live with my mom after that. I wouldn't have ever known of my current college, I wouldn't have had the wonderful Christian friends that have greatly impacted my life, and I wouldn't be dating such a wonderful man of God.
But I did leave what was my "home" halfway through HS to live with my mom. It was the hardest, and one of the most pivotal and best decisions I have ever made. I was living with my mom (who has been my greatest mentor in my life, as a mother, and spiritual guide), my little brother, and my Grandfather (one of my main positive male role-models of my childhood). I was able to start in a new school, given the freedom to be involved in the activities of my choosing, I was held to a standard of great expectations, given trust in my new freedom that I did not abuse. Looking back, I realize how blessed I am that I have such a supportive mother, such a wonderful family, and the opportunity to learn and not make the mistakes I saw so many of my friends making. That one decision of breaking my fathers heart in my moving, I believe, was a catalyst, a beginning of fully letting God move drastically in my life and in his. I am blessed by the hardship, and yet blessed that I was spared from more of it.
What was your catalyst?
Random Act of the Day- played tag with the guy's new dog
Current Contemplation- pistachios
Till Another Day!
Well, today was one of those days for me. It is the one year mark of my relationship with my first boyfriend... one of the best years of my life. After spending my afternoon with him I started thinking back on my life. I never dated before college and it is amazing the change in my life that has happened due to being in a relationship. Thinking back farther I was thinking of the pivotal decisions I have made in my life... besides deciding to follow God's call and come to NCC, and when I accepted Christ, I could think of only one great decision....
When I decided to leave my home, living with my father, and move with my mom to another state. If I had stayed with my Dad, yes, I would have finished HS with 12 varsity letters, been in the countys most prestigious choir, and gone to state for running.. but if i had stayed I probably would have turned into more of a rebel, I probably would have dated a friend or two before graduation, and there is a 50% chance in my mind of me messing up with one of them out of rebellion against my father, and would have struggled greatly in my walk with God.... Another scenario of this is I would have probably lived with my Dad for a semester or two my junior year, then would have gone to live with my mom after that. I wouldn't have ever known of my current college, I wouldn't have had the wonderful Christian friends that have greatly impacted my life, and I wouldn't be dating such a wonderful man of God.
But I did leave what was my "home" halfway through HS to live with my mom. It was the hardest, and one of the most pivotal and best decisions I have ever made. I was living with my mom (who has been my greatest mentor in my life, as a mother, and spiritual guide), my little brother, and my Grandfather (one of my main positive male role-models of my childhood). I was able to start in a new school, given the freedom to be involved in the activities of my choosing, I was held to a standard of great expectations, given trust in my new freedom that I did not abuse. Looking back, I realize how blessed I am that I have such a supportive mother, such a wonderful family, and the opportunity to learn and not make the mistakes I saw so many of my friends making. That one decision of breaking my fathers heart in my moving, I believe, was a catalyst, a beginning of fully letting God move drastically in my life and in his. I am blessed by the hardship, and yet blessed that I was spared from more of it.
What was your catalyst?
Random Act of the Day- played tag with the guy's new dog
Current Contemplation- pistachios
Till Another Day!
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